January Resolutions
by KepnerAvery
Summary: The winds of January are strong and fierce, and so is she. They haven't come this far just to give up now. Jolex multichapter
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read my last Jolex oneshot! I'm happy to see that there's such a dedicated group of Jolex fans here, so I decided to go ahead and move forward with my longer project. It should be noted that this story takes place in the canon universe (ignoring time of year) post 12x25. It may or may not stay true to canon going into season 13, we'll have to see how they take things since I already have a lot of this story planned out.**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy! If you do I'd love to hear from you :)**

* * *

 _September 19th, 2017._

 _7:00 AM_

"How's she doing?"

The sound of Alex's voice pulled Jo out of her sleepy stupor. The steady beeping of the monitors, while annoying at first, had become sort soothing over the course of the night. Between that and the quiet hisses of the ventilators it had become harder and harder to keep her eyes open as the night progressed.

"She's good," Jo yawned, "Vitals were stable through the night. I think she likes having her brother in there with her."

Alex couldn't hide the small smile that lit his face as he crossed the NICU to peer into the isolette Jo sat next to. Co-bedding had been his call. He'd seen it work before with preemie multiples- they'd struggle on their own, but once they had their sibling next to them it was like magic. It was like they were drawing strength from each other. Their vitals would stabilize, their growth would speed up, their heart and lung function-

The smile on Alex's face faltered as he rest a hand on the isolette,

"She's still looking pretty cyanotic. You said her vitals were stable?"

"They were- they _are_ , they've been consistent all night."

"Consistent, but not better?"

Jo sighed as she raised her eyes to the little girl by her side. She had watched all night- watched the rise and fall of her chest, watched her monitors, willed her skin to pinken up. But Alex was right, next to her healthy brother the baby girl looked like a smurf.

"No, not better. Did you find anything in the research lab?"

Now it was Alex's turn to sigh, pulling a chair over to the opposite side of the isolette.

"Nothing new. We either do the partial repair and go back in to do the full repair when she's stronger, or we take our chances with the full repair now. The success rates have been good, but the septal defect complicates things."

"So what are we going to do?"

There was a long moment of silence, punctuated only by the sound of beeping monitors and hissing ventilators. But they weren't soothing anymore, weren't comforting. Jo waited, hoping against reason that Alex would have one of his lightbulb moments and come up with some amazing third option, but Alex wouldn't meet her eye. He focused instead on the little girl in the isolette. With a hand trembling from exhaustion Jo reached in, her fingers brushing across the baby's stomach and making her squirm. A small whimper escaped her mouth- the only noise she could muster- and she turned her head to face where she felt the movement come from but didn't open her eyes. She hadn't yet- she'd been too weak at first and now maybe she was just too stubborn.

After a moment it became clear that Alex didn't know yet what to do, because he turned his attention instead to the boy closer in the isolette to him. Like Jo he reached in and laid his hand across the little one. His hand was so large, and the baby so small, that they were nearly the same size. And unlike the girl whose stomach Jo was rubbing now, trying to convince to give them just a little more movement, the baby boy yawned and stretched his body at Alex's touch. He gave a loud gurgle, blinking up at Alex with unfocused eyes, and that at least brought back a ghost of a smile to his face.

"How's this little guy been doing?"

It took a moment for Jo to pull out of her thoughts, switching gears from the now motionless girl to her wiggling brother.

"Oh, he's a real champ. Burping, pooping, waking up every three hours _on the dot_ to eat, and I think he's gotten bigger since yesterday."

"Heh," Alex chuckled, tickling the boy's belly, "Good man. Now you just have to get your sister to follow your lead."

"We have to come up with a treatment plan," Jo insisted, now taking the baby girl's hand between her thumb and index finger, "She's so small, is a full repair even an option?"

"I know Robbins hasn't done one, at least not on a kid this size," Alex's eyes fixed to the little girl who had turned her head in his direction as he spoke, "I don't know about Montgomery, but she's probably our best bet. If she says we do a partial repair, we do the partial repair."

"Well what do you think she'll say?"

Inside the isolette the baby girl flexed her hand, clearly trying with everything she had to get a good grip on Jo's finger. She was just so weak, and so blue. Alex had seen a lot of blue babies- babies with junky lungs and heart problems and sometimes even rare circulatory disorders that a doctor might go their entire career without seeing- and even he had to admit that this baby girl was one of the worst cases he'd seen.

He didn't need Addison there to know what she would say. She'd take one look at the little girl and as soon as she saw her size and color, the choice would be obvious. Partial repair, no doubt about it. Doing a full repair on a baby this small…

"I don't know," Alex lied, trying to hide the look of defeat on his face as the reality of the situation sunk in, "We'll see when she gets here. Her flight's supposed to be landing around ten, so I'll go pick her up and we should be back around eleven at the latest."

Jo glanced at the clock on the wall, and for the first time since Alex walked into the NICU he saw her crack a small smile.

"Hear that baby girl?" she whispered, shaking the baby's arm a little in her hand, "You've got a whole six hours to get those vitals up so we can get you that surgery."

"I can stay with her if you want- stay with them," Alex hadn't meant to forget the little boy now hitting his hand with a tiny waving arm, "You should go get some sleep, you've been here all night."

Jo yawned as if remembering for the first time how long she had been awake, but shook her head.

"I'll be fine, I want to keep an eye on her vitals, and he-"

"You know, we have a lot of really great nurses who can do that for you."

Jo and Alex both jumped a little at Arizona's interruption. They had been so caught up in their thoughts, in considering the baby girl's prognosis, that they hadn't even seen her sneak in. It wasn't clear how long she had been standing there, but she had heard enough to step in.

"Those nurses have ten patients each," Jo protested, "If they miss something-"

"Based on the fact that you're in exactly the same place I left you last night, I'm going to guess you haven't slept, and that makes you much more likely to miss something than my fabulous nursing staff."

As Arizona came to join them at the isolette, Jo shot Alex a pleading look. Her eyes were begging him to back her up, but his voice seemed caught in his throat. His eyes dropped down to watch the baby boy's unfocused gaze flitting around the room, trying to ignore the audible change in Jo's breathing.

"I can't leave, she _needs me_ here, and he-" Jo gestured to the little boy and as if on cue he gave a quiet gurgling noise, "is going to start screaming for my boobs in twenty minutes. So unless you want me to starve my child I'm staying right here."

"Jo," Arizona's voice softened, dropping into the tone she had perfected over years of talking to parents of sick children, "Why don't you take Adam back to your room with you? You can feed him, have some skin to skin time, _get some sleep_. Alex, can you…"

Arizona gestured to the isolette, but Alex hesitated to move as he saw the look of panic in Jo's eyes grow.

"She needs him, she's been stable since we put them together! Please, I can feed him here, I'll sleep in this chair."

"Hey," Alex cut in, finally finding it in himself to lift the lid of the isolette, "Robbins is right. You've been here all night, and this little guy could use some one on one time."

" _Alex,_ she needs us" Jo said again, begging him with her eyes to stop as he lifted Adam into his arms and closed the lid on the isolette. Alex watched their baby girl flinch at the loss of her brother next to her, but her monitors didn't detect any kind of change.

"She's going to be okay, she's strong. She'll probably sleep better without him waking her up every three hours."

Alex bounced Adam in his arms a little as he carried him over to Jo. The baby boy was beginning to whine now, wiggling in Alex's arms as he rooted around for his mother, but Jo didn't move to take him.

"Why don't I stay here with January?" Arizona offered, coming to stand by Jo's side and placing her hand next to hers in the isolette, "I'm not on the clock right now, I just came to check in and see how she's doing. I'll stay and keep her company until Dr. Montgomery gets here."

Jo sniffled, biting back tears again as she looked between Alex and Arizona. Adam was getting more upset now in Alex's arms despite his father's attempts to soothe him. Meanwhile January barely moved as Jo slid her hand out of the isolette and let Arizona take her place.

"You promise you'll stay with her?"

With time it had become easier and easier for Arizona to handle the sound of despair in the voices of her patients' parents, but this time it wasn't easy. This time she was looking into the faces of two people she knew, and when she turned to peer in at the baby she kept her hand on she saw the most perfect mix of their features. This wasn't just another family, just another patient. This felt like _her_ family. So when she spoke, it was only after swallowing the rising lump in her throat.

"I promise, I will stay right here with your little girl. I won't leave her side."

The moment where Jo stared back into her eyes seemed to last forever, but finally she nodded in acceptance, turning to take Adam from Alex's arms before he started to cry.

"Hang on, let's get you in a wheelchair," Arizona suggested, standing to go find one. Turning away from them she took a brief second to wipe the tears from her eyes and take a stabilizing breath.

Sofia had been this small once. She'd been hooked up to monitors and IVs and a ventilator, and then she had grown stronger, she'd overcome all of the challenges she faced and now she was a little astronaut wannabe with plans to fly to the moon before her 30th birthday.

Grabbing a wheelchair from the back of the room, Arizona had to keep reminding herself that sometimes things did work out the way they should. And with Alex and Jo as parents, January was genetically predisposed to being tough as nails- tougher even. She would get through this, the same way Sofia had, and grow up to be the dirty little foul mouthed kid that Arizona always knew Alex would had. Soon enough she and her brother would be wreaking havoc on them all.

As Adam began to cry in Alex's arms, Arizona wheeled the wheelchair up alongside the chair where Jo sat.

"Alright Jo, time to say goodbye for now."

The younger woman nodded, not bothering to wipe away her tears the way Arizona had while she reached into the isolette one more time to grab January's tiny hand.

"Your auntie is going to come hang out with you now baby girl, but Daddy and I will be back soon I promise. We love you so, so much."

Jo's hand hesitated, rubbing January's between her fingers, but she could still only give a little flex. It was still something though, she had to keep telling herself that. Otherwise she wouldn't be able to let her go the way she did now, slipping her hand out of the isolette. She braced herself against the arms of the chair, but even with the support Jo groaned in pain.

"Everything hurts," she whined, not protesting when Arizona stepped in to help her into the wheelchair. Normally she would shrug her off, insist on doing it alone- but right now she could barely stand without the pain that radiated through her lower body pulling her right back down.

"You gave birth two days ago, to _twins_ , everything is supposed to hurt."

"You're not funny you know," Jo scowled at Alex, "Now give me my baby before I start leaking everywhere."

Alex smirked, leaning down to place a kiss to her forehead as she took Adam into her arms. The little boy immediately turned to his mother, continuing to cry as he headbutted her in the chest.

"Owww, dammit Alex, your son is an asshole."

Arizona couldn't help but let out a small laugh as Alex rolled his eyes and grabbed the handles of the wheelchair, pushing Jo towards the door. Halfway there he stopped, turning back to Arizona. For the first time that morning he let the composed face he'd kept on for Jo fall.

"I want you to page me if anything happens," he said, his voice stern.

"I will," Arizona reassured him. Without thinking she moved her hand to rest against the tiny box where January laid motionless again.

"I mean it," he insisted, "I don't want you to page me after it happens, or after she stabilizes, or if you have to do something…"

His voice caught in his throat. The possibilities of what could go wrong, and there were so many things that could go wrong, filtered through his mind. Sometimes being a doctor really freakin' sucked. Maybe if he wasn't, maybe if he didn't know _every tiny thing_ that could potentially go wrong, he could accept Arizona's words of comfort more easily.

But they just felt hollow and meaningless.

"As soon as something happens," Arizona said, "I will page you. I promise. Go get some sleep. Alex, I've got her."

The fear in his eyes, the gut wrenching look that Arizona had only seen him wear in truly desperate cases, didn't resolve itself. But finally he gave a slight nod, turning his attention back to Jo as she fussed with the hungry baby in her arms. Once they were gone and Adam's crying had quieted to just a faint echo, Arizona finally let out the breath she had been holding in.

"Oh miss January," she whispered, sitting on the edge of the chair Jo had recently evacuated and reaching her hand in to stroke the baby's cheek, "We're going to get you out of here. I don't care what we have to do, we _will_ fix this, understand?"

January gave only the slightest movement, a slight turn of her head into Arizona's touch, but it somehow felt like she was agreeing. As she settled into the chair, her fingers still brushing along the baby's soft skin, she let out a small chuckle,

"I still can't believe they named you January. Like, really? There _is_ a story behind it though, which, I mean, my name is Arizona and there's a story behind that too so I guess it's just something about uncommon names and well… you'll learn it someday. Someday when you're big and strong and the little jerks in fourth grade won't stop asking why you're named after a month, you'll go home and get mad at your Mommy and Daddy for naming you January, and then you'll learn your story. And you won't be so mad then, because they'll tell you this part of this story and you'll realize just how strong you really are. So right now you just have to focus on getting through this part, because I promise you this story is going to have a happy ending."

The monitors around them beeped and the ventilators hissed, and all Arizona could do was pray that she'd be able to keep her promise.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews on the last chapter! I was curious to see how Season 13 started, but I did know it was going to diverge from my plan of things. I just wanted to wait and see what was up with Jo in the first episode. Anyway, I can now say with certainty that this will be canon through the end of season 12, but not through season 13.**

 **Still, enjoy! I'd love to hear all of your reactions :)**

* * *

 _May 14th, 2016 11:16pm_

 _Ribs_

God, it was always the ribs first. Strong enough to protect the heart, but fragile enough to fracture with enough sudden force. Sometimes it could just be mistaken for bruising, but she'd been around the block enough times to know what broken ribs felt like.

At least this time it was just the one. It hurt like hell, but that was unsurprising given the amount of times it had been fractured in the past. Who knew if it had ever really healed properly- there was no way to set a broken rib or put a cast on it so it could repair itself exactly how it should.

And when someone kept breaking it over and over and over before it could heal at all, of course it might not heal properly when it finally did. Of course it would probably be weaker than the others.

"Hi, you must be Ms. Wilson."

Jo startled as an intern slipped into the curtained off area where she had been lying for the past forty five minutes. _God,_ she thought to herself with a sigh that made her side ache, _it's about damn time_.

"Yep. That's me."

The intern, she must have been new, fumbled with the chart in her hand as she tried to locate where the intake nurse had jotted down Jo's reason for coming in.

"It's my right side," Jo said finally, growing impatient, "I slipped going up the stairs to my apartment and landed kind of weird. I had a broken rib on that side awhile ago…"

"And you think you might have injured it again."

"Right."

It seemed as if the younger doctor had found the intake notes on the chart, because she was silent for a moment while her eyes scanned the paper. Then she nodded, setting the paperwork aside and reaching for a pair of gloves.

"Is it alright if I examine you?"

"Knock yourself out."

Laying back on the exam table, Jo closed her eyes against the bright fluorescent light shining down on her. The bulb clearly needed to be changed because it glowed in a way those lights weren't quite meant to. It just made this whole situation even more surreal than it already was.

The intern lifted Jo's shirt up, exposing her abdomen, and Jo sucked in a deep breath.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt and she would wake up and realize this whole thing was just some weird fucked up dream. It had to be a dream, right? It couldn't be real. Nothing that had happened in the past 24 hours made any sense at all, so there was no way-

 _Ohhh fuck_

A sharp pain shocked up through Jo's body as the intern palpated her bruised stomach.

This hurt.

This really fucking hurt.

Now Jo found that she didn't regret taking the uber to Seattle Pres.- and she thought she might - because she was actually starting to consider the possibility that the rib could have punctured some internal structure.

She opened her eyes to look at the intern, and her face said that she was thinking the same thing. The thought that this poor girl really needed to learn how to control her expressions flittered briefly through Jo's mind, but it didn't matter anyway. She already knew what came next.

"Okay Ms. Wilson, I'd like to get some x-rays so I can see exactly what's going on in your abdomen. I don't want you to worry, I'm just being extra cautious here."

"I understand," Jo nearly snapped, trying to restrain herself because she knew the girl was still learning how to dialogue with patients. She wasn't just being extra cautious- she knew something was wrong. She shouldn't give someone false hope that they'd just be walking out sore and with some bruising. She shouldn't give someone false hope that in a day or two this would all be gone and they could just pretend it never happened.

"I'll get those ordered then. Before I do, is there any chance you could be pregnant?"

 _May 12th, 2016 3:43 pm_

"Do you realize how incredibly stupid you are?"

Jo rolled her eyes at the sound of Stephanie's voice outside the bathroom stall.

"There's nothing stupid about-"

"We're _residents_ Jo. We should be worrying about the boards and fellowships, not bottles and baby strollers."

"Well I'm not worrying about bottles either way, breastfeeding-"

Stephanie's exaggerated sigh cut Jo off, echoing against the tile floor. She didn't speak, there was nothing else she needed to say. Her stance on the situation was very clear.

The plastic stick in Jo's hand was still blank, and she turned it over and over in her fingers, her mind wandering.

"Can you imagine me with a big pregnant belly?"

"I don't want to."

"Alex would love it. I've seen him hanging around the nursery a bunch lately, and the way he looks at the babies-"

"His patients? You know they're his patients right?"

"He wants a baby Steph. He wants a baby _with me_. He wants me and my big pregnant belly."

The thought of Alex's reaction alone had Jo's heart fluttering. So what if this hasn't been planned? She knew Alex. She loves Alex, and h _e_ loved her and their past conversations about this hasn't really gone well, but then lately he'd been dropping hints and making these little comments here and there… She could practically see the tears in his eyes, feel him moving his hands to where their baby would soon kick inside of her, hear him tell her that he loved her. That he loved _them_.

 _May 14th, 2016 11:22 pm_

"No, I'm not pregnant."

 _Fuck_ , why did she sound so disappointed? Steph had been right, she'd been totally stupid to think that combining a baby and a residency could even potentially be a good idea. And Alex…

Well, now she knew where Alex stood.

How could she have ever thought he would have wanted that? The second he found out he'd want to get that ring on her finger and marry her right then and there, and then…and then they'd be here.

All roads led here.

* * *

 _May 14th, 10:55pm_

"Someone better explain to me what the hell is going on, and someone better explain it fast."

Alex couldn't remember ever hearing Bailey sound as pissed as she did now- not since his internship at least. Andthen he had deserved it. This time he could explain himself.

The curtain separating his area from the one next to it was pushed open, and there she was- standing next to where DeLuca sat on an exam table identical to his own.

 _Man_ , if looks could kill…

Not that he could manage a good look right now though. Half of his face had turned completely purple, one eye swollen so shut it almost didn't look like it was there at all. Alex hadn't seen his own face yet, but he had to imagine it looked pretty bad too. Not as bad- DeLuca had only got in half the shots he had- but his mouth tasted tinny from the blood pouring in from his split lip, and someone was going to be by soon to set his nose so that was definitely a plus one against him.

"I didn't do anything," DeLuca spat before Alex even had time to think of what to say, "he attacked me. I was just trying-"

"To take advantage of Jo?"

"I wasn't-"

"Oh you weren't?" Alex could feel the rage bubbling back up in his chest again, and if it weren't for the warning look Bailey shot him he might have just leapt off the table and finished giving DeLuca what he deserved.

"I was _putting her to bed._ "

Well, maybe Bailey would just have to be disappointed in him once again, because this anger was getting harder and harder to control.

"She was wasted," he screamed, when did he start screaming?, "she was wasted, and half naked, and you had her pinned to the bed, to _our_ bed. You really want to tell me you weren't taking advantage of her?"

The scene played through his mind again, for what felt like the millionth time. She had been giggling that cute little giggle that always meant she'd probably had a few drinks too many. And he had, stupidly, taken that as a good sign. Because when Jo was drunk and upset you'd better believe she'd make it seem like the world was about to cave in on itself.

He'd turned the corner.

He'd turned the corner expecting her to be laying in bed watching stupid videos on her phone, or hanging over the side of the bed trying to read her medical textbook upside down (again), or just doing any of the stupid, adorable things she did when she was this drunk.

He'd turned the corner expecting that, and then…

Her wide eyed, unfocused gaze shifted to him immediately, and he could see her starting to sober up as she looked back at the man on top of her. She looked scared. She looked fucking terrified, and DeLuca was there hovering over her, and Alex didn't even want to _think_ about what would have happened if he had come home just ten minutes later than he did.

It was a blur from there.

A blur of fists against faces, bones breaking, blood splattering on their clothes, the floor, the bed…

If it weren't for Jo jumping on his back at one point, distracting him long enough to let DeLuca fight back- DeLuca would probably be dead by now. Alex couldn't have stopped himself on his own.

Then the door slammed. The door to the apartment slammed, and both of their fists stopped moving, because when they turned around Jo was gone.

"I was trying to get her into bed and she suddenly flopped down, I lost my balance and fell on top of her."

DeLuca's voice snapped Alex back to reality, but it didn't matter what he was saying.

In an instant Alex was off the table, lunging for the younger man across from him. His hands screamed with pain as he clenched them into fists, but he didn't care.

"HEY"

Bailey threw herself in the way of Alex's rampage, and at the same time he felt hands on his arm pulling him back. He snapped around, expecting some security guard or ER resident, but then breathed a huge sigh of relief.

He had never been so grateful to see Meredith in his life.

"Alex, what the hell happened to you?"

Mer pushed him back down on the table, and Alex just stared back at her without words. Once she knew what had gone down she would understand, she would know that he did what he had to do. He just couldn't go through explaining it all again now.

"He's crazy," DeLuca yelled, whether in response to the question or Alex lunging at him it was unclear, "he's fucking crazy he was trying to kill me, he-"

"Everybody shut up right this second!"

Okay, now this level of anger surpassed anything Alex had ever heard from Bailey. There was a look of rage on her face that he had never seen before, and even Meredith seemed startled by it.

"Where," Bailey growled, moving so that she stood facing the ends of their beds, her eyes moving between the two battered men in front of her, "is Wilson?"

Silence fell, and it felt like the entire ER melted away around them.

She had jumped on his back.

She had tried to stop him.

She had held him back, but then DeLuca started throwing punches, and…

And he'd thrown her off of him.

In the back of his mind he could feel his elbow colliding with something hard, hear her tiny squeak of pain, but he needed to believe that he was imagining it. He couldn't bring himself to think about the possibility of it being true.

"She's probably here somewhere," DeLuca said. For the first time all night he didn't sound angry. His voice was flat and even, "She took off from the apartment."

But Alex knew that wasn't true. Yes, she had taken off, but she wasn't here. She would know that it was the first place they'd look. He just couldn't find the words to protest. His head was spinning, the lights of the ER suddenly too bright and surreal. His stomach turned over and over. Had he really heard that squeak of pain?

"Alright, Grey grab Webber and have him help you comb every inch of this hospital for Wilson. If she's here I want her found _now_. I'm going to go call Edwards and see if she's with her."

The sound of Bailey's shoes on the tile floor echoed in Alex's head, but he couldn't see her anymore. The world was spinning around him and he couldn't focus on anything now except Meredith's face in his own.

"She's gone Mer," he breathed, the thoughts he couldn't collect finally surfacing, "She's going to run. I think I hurt her. I didn't mean to, _God,_ I didn't mean to. You have to find her. Please you have to find her and make sure she's okay. Make sure I didn't… because if I did…"

"Hey," Meredith's hands were on his shoulder's now, stabilizing him against the whirlwind of fears in his mind, "I'm going to find her, okay? We're going to find her and get this whole thing cleared up, but I need you to _stay here_. Don't do anything stupid, understand?"

"Yeah."

Too bad he already had.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey everyone! I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, I really love reading your thoughts on the story so far. You can all rest assured that this will be pretty Jo centric, I love Alex but I want this to be her story.**

 **Anyway, here it is! Enjoy and feel free to leave your thoughts as always ;)**

 _September 19th, 2017 9:30am_

"Hey, how's she doing?"

The moment the words came out of Jackson's mouth he cringed. God, he had hated it when people had asked him that question after Samuel. What was he expected to say? How did they think she was doing?

His face must have worn the regret he felt, because through his weariness Alex managed one of his " _chill, you're fine_ " looks. Still, it took him a moment and a sip of coffee before he found the words in himself to respond.

"She's sleeping now, which uh… it's good. She hasn't really slept much since…"

"Yeah," Jackson nodded, "Yeah I can imagine. You sleep at all?"

"I passed out for a few hours last night in the research lab. I had to get out of there," he gestured to the room with the _Do Not Disturb_ sign across from where they stood at the nurses' station, "because I started drifting off and I need to go pick up Montgomery."

Addison Montgomery was flying in? That was news to Jackson- news he wasn't sure how to process. On one hand, it was a good thing. Addison Montgomery was the best of the best, the doctor patients would fight over to take on their case.

On the other hand, the fact that she was flying in meant that Robbins couldn't handle it.

And Robbins was good. She was really, really good.

"Look man if you need anything," Jackson said, "or if she needs anything- if you guys need anything just let me know."

Alex seemed to consider that for a moment, and Jackson understood that too. People always said that, but it was impossible to tell exactly how far they were willing to go. Did they mean they'd grab you a sandwich from the cafeteria so you didn't have to go yourself? Or did they mean they would help you find something to do with all of the gifts that had been given before things happened and now were too painful to look at?

"If you're around in like an hour maybe you could check in on her?"

That request seemed somewhere in the middle. It was intimate in a way, to be asked to look out for someone when they were so vulnerable. And yeah, it was just quickly stopping by while Alex was at the airport, but seeing Jo like that would still be hard.

Good thing then that he meant what he said.

"Yeah, absolutely. I just finished with the last of the phase one trial patients actually, and we've got another success on our hands which is why I…" he sort of gestured around himself, as if to explain his presence, "I thought it might cheer her up to hear that."

For the first time since they'd started talking, Alex cracked a smile.

"It'll give her something good to hang onto, that's for sure. You know how much she loves breaking bones and putting them back together."

"Once we start publishing our successes the whole medical community is going to know."

"Good," Alex nodded, "tell her that when you see her."

"I will, yeah, I definitely will."

Neither of them said anything then, lost in their own thoughts. It was only when Alex glanced at the clock on the wall behind the nurses' station with a sigh that they were brought back to Earth.

"I've gotta head out to the airport. You're going to check up on her, right?"

"Absolutely," Jackson nodded, "I will check up on her and remind her what an orthopedic goddess she is."

Alex chuckled, giving Jackson an appreciative clap on the back before tossing his crumpled coffee cup in a nearby wastebin and heading off with a promise that he would be back by noon at the latest, and orders to call if anything happened.

So that just left Jackson, staring at the closed door with the _Do Not Disturb_ sign, wondering how things like this could keep happening. Wondering how Jo would react to seeing him. After Samuel had… Jackson remembered wishing that Mark Sloan was there. He was his mentor- he would know what to say, how to help him get through to the other side.

And now here was Jo, probably expecting the same from him and he just...

He didn't know what to say.

* * *

 _December 10th, 2016 11:00 am_

"So you're proposing…"

"An alternative to synthetic bone glue. We would be taking cells from the patients' bodies and using them to create a fast acting, biological glue. Instead of just sticking the bones back together they would literally grow back together in a matter of days, without having to use metal pins or anything. In theory you could even use it to repair certain breaks and fractures laparoscopically."

It was amazing the way she spoke about it. The rising excitement in her voice, the far out look in her eyes like a kid on Christmas staring at the presents under the tree- it was just amazing. Stephanie couldn't remember ever seeing someone so passionate about _broken bones_.

Torres, of course, had loved ortho too. She had taken great delight in her many projects, but not to the same extreme that Jo did. Jo just had something different about her. Like she was born to put broken things back together.

Now though, in the silence following her bold proposition, she gave a small, sad chuckle and those big excited eyes of hers grew dull with apathy.

"I know I'll never get funding for it," she said, "but it's a selling point, right? It makes me sound adventurous and forward thinking or whatever."

"Or whatever?"

Jo rolled her eyes, but the corners of her mouth were clearly fighting the urge to turn up into a smile.

"Shut up, not all of us can just waltz right into fellowships. You could go anywhere in the country you wanted to."

"Yeah, well," Steph smirked, taking the opportunity to hang her lab coat up in her locker where Amelia's gift basket to her was proudly displayed, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here."

"Rub it in why don't you, I'd love to stay if I could. When Torres was here I thought maybe… but she said she'd help me score some interviews and write me a letter of recommendation anyway. And I was going to ask Avery-"

"Don't waste your breath."

Steph and Jo both turned to see Ben coming over to lean against his locker with a smug little grin,

"There's no way Avery is going to break up the Plastics Posse. Give it a few days and I'll have a gift basket way better than that."

Steph rolled her eyes, closing her locker door against Ben's arrogant criticism. She liked her gift basket, and she liked that Amelia had gone through the trouble of getting it for her even when she knew there was no way she'd be leaving.

"I'm asking for a letter of recommendation," Jo spat, "because like I said- we can't all just waltz into fellowships. Some of us actually have to work for it."

There was the passion in her voice again, Steph noticed. There was that spark in her eye. One way or another, Jo was going to get herself a fellowship and get on breaking and fixing more bones.

Stephanie didn't understand where this passion inside her best friend came from, but it never failed to astound her. If there was one thing she knew, it was this-

Jo Wilson was the queen of putting broken things back together.

* * *

 _May 15th, 2016 2:00 am_

Maybe she had been stupid after all for going in.

Nothing was punctured, nothing was bleeding- she just had a broken rib.

Again.

So now she was sitting on a bench outside of Seattle Pres. shivering, because when she wrapped her arms around herself to stay warm in the early summer air the pain in her side seemed to radiate through her whole body.

It felt like adding insult to injury- just the fact that her rib was broken at all, that she was dealing with this pain again and it would take at least a week before she could take a deep breath without wincing. She had been through it so many times she felt like she deserved a get out of jail free pass by now. Like she should be able to opt out of the pain just this once, because there was so much else going through her head right now.

She couldn't go home.

The image of Alex hitting DeLuca _over and over_ again made her sick to her stomach. The sound of his fist colliding with DeLuca's face, the blood splatters- it was all too much. Then when she had jumped on him, just trying to make it all stop, and he had thrown her off…

Jo sighed, tilting her head back to stare at the sky. She silently cursed the clouds for concealing the moon, but then that would have been too cliche anyway. She just needed something to be angry at.

Because she wanted to be angry at Alex.

She wanted to be angry at him for what he did to DeLuca.

She wanted to be angry at him for what he did to her.

But her stupid head kept rationalizing everything. It knew Alex too well, so when Jo tried to tell herself that his reaction was completely unwarranted her mind was right there pointing out that Alex thought DeLuca was taking advantage of her. He thought that DeLuca was about to _rape_ her. And _God_ , she had just been talking about how he would want to protect her just a few minutes before everything went down.

And he didn't mean to hurt her.

Jo hated that she knew that, because she could remember telling herself that so many times before with her ex.

He didn't mean to hurt her- he was just angry because she forgot to pick up eggs at the grocery store. He didn't mean to hurt her- he just thought she was playing a game when she begged for him to stop. He didn't mean to hurt her- he just wanted what was best for her. Really.

Even at the time she had known it was complete bullshit, but she kept telling it to herself anyway because she was scared.

Alex though…

Alex would have never hurt her on purpose. He didn't even seem to realize that he did it- pushing her off had just been a knee jerk reaction when DeLuca had started to come at him and Alex needed to defend himself.

Jo couldn't be angry at him. He had been defending her, and then himself. Alex wasn't an aggressor, he wouldn't come at someone like that without a really, _really_ good reason.

Jo's teeth began to chatter, and without thinking she wrapped her arms around herself. In an instant she felt the pain shoot up through her side and was forced to unfold and become vulnerable again to the cold.

She wanted to go home.

But she couldn't.

She was scared.

Alex had come home out of nowhere, come home after she was positive everything was over, and he had seen her pinned down on the bed by some other guy, and he had attacked. He had attacked in a way she didn't know if she had ever seen another human being attack. And then he had gone and hurt her too, literally broken her, and couldn't stop his attack long enough to even notice.

No one would have blamed Jo for being afraid of him. After all, why wouldn't she be scared that he would flip and come after her next? Why wouldn't she be afraid that they might have another misunderstanding someday and she would be the one broken and bleeding on the floor?

No, that was reasonable.

The scary thing was that she wasn't afraid of Alex- that she wanted nothing more than to go home and find him there and just have him hold her for as long as she could stay awake. This was a man who had nearly beaten another man to death in front of her face hours before, and she still wanted him.

The scary thing was realizing that she finally had a person she trusted enough that even after seeing what he did to DeLuca she didn't worry in the slightest that he would ever do that to her. The scary thing was realizing that she had lost him. Probably.

Maybe he hadn't even come home to work things out, maybe he had just come to collect

some of his stuff. Maybe he was just protecting her because that's what he did, but Jo knew she wouldn't be able to rest easy until she found out. She couldn't give up hope until she knew that there was nothing left to salvage.

So she sat on a bench outside of Seattle Pres.

Angry because she wasn't angry.

Scared because she wasn't scared.

She had nowhere to go, no moon to watch, no one to come pick her up.

All she had was a stupid broken rib, and her wish that she had some way to make this

pain just stop already. Maybe if that damn rib would just stop making her feel like that whole side of her body was being fried by an electrical current every time she moved she could calm down and think clearly.

If she ever got out of this situation, she'd find a way to make it happen. To make broken ribs stop hurting long enough to get a decent thought in. Because as it was, it took her an hour to even realize that she might have somewhere to go.

 _May 15th, 2016 4:30am_

"Hey, what happened? Come in, you must be freezing."

Jo couldn't even conceal her deep relief as she stepped into the apartment and her body was surrounded by warmth. Sitting on that bench she had started to get that horrible feeling like she may never be warm again.

But now here she was, gratefully taking a seat on the couch that had been haphazardly draped with a sheet and blanket, an extra pillow leaning against the armrest.

"Thank you for this," she sighed, "I know we haven't talked in awhile and I really didn't want to bother you I just… I didn't have anywhere to go."

"It's okay, seriously. You look exhausted, just get some sleep and we'll figure it all out in the morning."

Jo said a silent prayer of thanks that her unwillingness to talk about what had happened tonight was so obvious. Once she was alone and the lights were off, she cuddled up under the blanket left out for her and let out a breath that she didn't even realize she had been holding in.

At that moment she wasn't angry anymore, wasn't scared. Her side ached and she wanted to cry out in pain, but she couldn't do that either.

Her exhaustion had finally caught up to her, and all that she could do was close her eyes and give in to the pull of a deep sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Thanks everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I wanted to test out the time jump thing a little, but I think it was more confusing than anything else so I'm going to go back to keeping it pretty linear with some flashes forward/backward here and there. Oh, and make sure to check out the Author's Note at the bottom of this chapter.**_

 ** _Also, while I have you here- I'm working on a three chapter series kind of centered again around the theme of non-traditional families the same way my older fic "Ode to the Family" was. This time it's going to be Jolex centric with another special character, so I'd love for you all to check that out too. I have the first two chapters written, but I want to finish the third (completing the series) before I start publishing any of it._**

* * *

 _May 15th, 2016 9:00am_

"Alex, she's probably staying in a hotel or something."

It didn't matter how many times Meredith said it, the words seemed to go in one ear and out the other.

"All of her stuff is still at home. She just has her phone and probably her bag with her, those were the only things I couldn't find."

"Well you don't need much more than a credit card to rent a hotel room, so…"

It made sense, he knew that, but between his aching hands and nose, and the fact that he was on his way to Bailey's office for an "official meeting" about what had happened the night before there was no space in his mind for logic.

Jo was gone, that was all he knew.

They had searched the hospital high and low the night before, tried calling her and having Steph call her, they'd pretty much done everything short of actually calling the police to look for her. DeLuca had almost taken it there- almost demanded the police were called so he could file an official complaint of assault and battery- but Bailey had managed to talk him down from it. At least until they found Jo and got her side of the story, which hadn't happened yet, so...

The sun streaming through the tall windows of the hospital seemed inappropriate in a way, as Meredith walked alongside Alex and tried to reassure him of the many possible places Jo could be.

It felt like it should be raining.

It felt like there should be some kind of catastrophic storm happening outside, because this was all too messed up to be happening on such a plain day. Birds were chirping, people were starting to shed their spring jackets as the weather got warmer, flowers were blooming, and Jo was gone. Hurt, possibly. Gone and hurt and maybe never coming back to face him after everything that had happened between them even before he attacked DeLuca.

As they reached Bailey's office, Alex felt a chill of anxiety fall over his body, making his skin prickle as if he'd just stepped out into the freezing rain that wasn't falling no matter how hard he willed it with his mind. He turned to look at Meredith now- he'd been avoiding looking at her before because he knew she would have that look on her face like she was scolding a child.

Except that she didn't. Meredith just looked tired, her eyes pleading with him to please listen to her. And beneath that she looked a little worried too. She was trying to hide it, but after how long they had been friends there was really no way she could hide it from him. But who was she worried about?

Him, or Jo?

"I'm not doing this," Alex said, turning to walk away from Bailey's office even though he wasn't sure where else to go.

"Alex," Meredith's voice gave him pause, "Go talk to Bailey. You need to get this sorted out before DeLuca convinces everyone it was some kind of random attack. Did you see his face? If he decides to press charges for assault and battery he'll have a pretty damn good case. You could go to jail, Alex, your medical career could be over, and good luck getting Jo to visit you there."

"She's not going to be visiting me anywhere if we don't find her."

Meredith sighed, and now the tired look was more pronounced as she grabbed Alex by the arm and dragged him back toward Bailey's office.

"Talk. to. Bailey. I'll keep looking for Jo. I'll go to your loft and see if she's there now, okay?"

Alex didn't want to say yes. He didn't want to suck it up and face Bailey before he even knew Jo was safe, but what choice did he have?

He couldn't find words to answer Meredith, so he just gave a slow nod and opened the door to the office before his mind could catch up to him.

Meredith would find Jo. He would talk to Bailey, and Meredith would find Jo.

She had to.

 _May 15th, 2016 8:30am_

The sound of a mug crashing to the floor startled Jo out of her deep slumber.

 _Where was she?_

Her body ached from sleeping on this...couch?

She stretched her legs out and kicked into the arm of the furniture.

Yep, definitely a couch.

But not _her_ couch. Definitely not her couch, because she had fallen asleep on her couch plenty of times before and it was _way_ more comfortable than this couch. And the blanket was softer, and the pillow was a little more firm. This was not her couch, and when she opened her eyes she wasn't the least bit surprised to find that she wasn't in her living room either. She was in some other living room- one that seemed distantly familiar. She had definitely been there before, but probably not recently, and probably not very many times. Whose apartment was this?

"Shit, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. Or actually I did I guess, I was going to ask if you wanted coffee or something, but I didn't mean to wake you up like that."

Jo felt a wave of relief wash over her body as she sat up with a slight moan at the pain in her side. Leah cringed in sympathy, sitting in a chair across from Jo and offering her a mug that she happily accepted.

"It's okay," Jo said, once the first sip of coffee seemed to open her throat, "Thanks again for letting me stay here. I didn't want to ask, I know I haven't been the best at keeping in touch…"

Leah waved the sort of apology away with a chuckle,

"You've been busy, it's fine, so have I. And you needed somewhere to be. I would rather you crash on my couch than go sleep on the street somewhere."

"Thanks."

Jo knew she had already said it a million times, but she didn't know what else to say. Not to mention the fact that she really was extremely grateful for this. She hadn't spoken to Leah in months, not since Steph's birthday party, and she was starting to think that maybe their friendship was the kind that would just fade away.

But then last night had happened.

The whole thing still felt fuzzy in her mind, like it must have been a dream, but Jo knew that it had really happened from the pain in her side.

It had happened, and just when her phone was about to die and she had resigned herself to sleeping on a bench outside of Seattle Pres. for the night Jo thought of Leah. She had always been a little annoying, and clingy, and paranoid maybe, but she was a good friend. She was the kind of friend who was always on your side even when she had no idea what had happened.

Which she didn't.

All that Leah knew was that Jo had been hurt and needed to lay low for awhile. And the night before, she had accepted that.

But now she was staring at Jo with that impatient look that asked the question without her needing to ever say it, and Jo sighed.

"It's not a big deal."

"You called me at three in the morning, from a hospital, with a broken rib, saying that you can't go home and you don't want anyone to know where you are, and it's not a big deal?"

"I don't want anyone to know where I am because they're all going to make it a bigger deal than it is."

"I don't blame them, it seems like a pretty big deal to me"

Jo groaned, leaning back against the couch and shutting her eyes so she didn't have to see the look Leah was giving her anymore. Maybe she was more annoying than Jo remembered. She was still grateful to her for everything, but why did she have to pry?

It took a long moment before Jo could even bring the explanation to her mind, and another before she could even take a breath to say it.

"Alex and I were… he ended things. So I went to Joe's last night, and I was drinking, and this intern guy brought me home."

She nearly said friend, but was DeLuca really her friend? She had gotten along with the guy, sure, but until last night she didn't feel like she knew him very well.

It didn't matter anyway, because he definitely wouldn't want to be her friend now.

"So this intern guy…"

She didn't open her eyes, but Jo knew what Leah meant, and she shook her head at the notion,

"He was just trying to get me to go to bed, and I just…"

Jo felt like the ground had suddenly plummeted out from underneath her.

Like she had been sucked into a vacuum and now she couldn't breathe or feel anything other than the sensation of being completely crushed.

Her eyes finally opened, and Leah's look of curiosity quickly flipped to one of concern.

"Jo," she reached out to put a hand on Jo's knee, trying to bring her back to Earth, "What happened?"

"I need to go to the hospital."

 _May 15th, 2016 9:00am_

"Look, what I told you last night, you can't tell anybody. Please, it would ruin me, I would have to-"

"Stop, okay? I'm not telling anyone what you told me. We don't need to make this any more complicated than it already is."

"Thank you, oh God, thank you. I-"

"Can you just go? Everyone is out there looking for you, you know. But it doesn't matter what you tell them, because Alex _attacked me_. So you can say what you want to defend him, but just know that I'm not letting it go that easily. He's in a meeting with Bailey now to give his side of the story, but he'll have a hell of a time trying to get out of this one."

Jo sucked in a breath, then nodded.

"Don't tell anyone I was here, and I won't say anything."

"Fine."

 _May 15th, 2016 9:05am_

Jo could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she kept her head down and hurried toward the stairwell. The elevator was too dangerous, she couldn't risk getting caught on there with someone who would recognize her. Leah's huge hoodie was good for hiding her face with the hood, but it could only do so much. Especially if Andrew was right and people were actually looking for her. Steph had called half a million times, as had Meredith, and even Bailey and Webber had given it a couple of tries. So it wasn't too hard to believe that they'd be on lookout for her.

The sound of her shoes echoing in the quiet stairwell was oddly comforting to Jo. She was so close to getting out of there. Leah was waiting outside, and they didn't exactly have a plan yet but they were definitely going to haul ass away from this place as fast as they could. If DeLuca was good on his word no one would even know she had been there.

Part of her felt sick for agreeing not to stand up for Alex. There was an ache in the pit of her stomach reminding her that Alex had been trying to protect her. He hadn't attacked DeLuca just for fun, or because he was jealous. He truly thought that he was seeing Jo about to be raped. She didn't even have to hear him say it to know it was true, because that look of fury in his eyes when he'd seen DeLuca on top of her...she had never seen anything like it before. Her ex had been furious many times, and she had really thought that she would never face a fury like that again, but compared to the way Alex reacted to DeLuca on top of her she felt like her ex's fury was comparable to the frustration people felt being stuck in traffic.

The image of Alex's pure rage burned in Jo's mind, distracting her so that she didn't notice the door on the second floor landing opening until it nearly hit her in the face.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I-"

No.

 _No_.

She had been so close to getting out of the hospital without getting caught- literally just one set of stairs away from freedom.

And now Meredith was grabbing her arms because she knew before Jo could even flinch that she would try to run.

"Please," Jo began to beg, "Don't tell anyone-"

"Are you okay?"

The question startled Jo into silence. She had expected Meredith to be furious with her- to blame her for Alex losing his cool or for running away instead of coming to explain the situation. It had become very clear over the past couple of years that Meredith only cared about Jo personally when it was affecting Alex a certain way. But if she thought that Jo was upsetting him, or distracting him, or even if she wasn't doing anything and was just trying to live her life and do her job- Meredith would have no problem kicking her while she was down.

Except for now.

Now she looked completely serious as she asked again, speaking very slowly.

"Jo, are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Jo's thoughts flickered to her injured rib, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything about it. Alex hadn't meant to hurt her. It had been an accident and yes, _technically_ , it hurt. But if Alex knew about it, it would kill him. And there was no way Meredith would keep any of this from Alex.

She shook her head.

Before she could find her voice to ask Meredith to please just let her go, Jo felt herself being wrapped in a hug, and even though her mind was telling her to run her body just froze in place while Meredith held her in her arms and let out a shaky sigh.

For a moment they just stood like that in silence.

Maybe it was supposed to be comforting, but the whole hugging thing was just making Jo uncomfortable. It was abundantly clear now that Meredith only cared about her wellbeing because it was better for Alex that she wasn't hurt. This was a hug of relief, not of caring.

"Let's just go talk to Bailey, okay?"

Meredith finally stepped back from Jo, her hands moving now to hold her at her wrists, thumbs rubbing against the backs of her hands.

 _February 20th, 2017 11:00pm_

"Here, squeeze my hands."

Meredith grabbed Jo's hands in her own, her thumbs pressing into the backs of her hands while Jo gripped her as hard as she could. Meredith winced, but didn't move to pull away,

"Good, keep squeezing. Just focus on that, focus on squeezing my hands. I know it's hard, but you can't fight the tube."

Jo whimpered, it was so hard to suppress her body's natural reaction to gag on the tube down her throat. She couldn't speak, but she begged Amelia with her eyes to just sedate her again.

"Wilson, I need you to stay calm for me. The calmer you are the faster we can get this over with. Just keep squeezing her hands, okay? Squeeze as hard as you can."

Jo needed this to end, all of it. Every inch of her body hurt, and her throat was trying so hard to gag on the tube, and now Amelia was shining a light in her eyes and she wasn't sure she could take it anymore.

Her hands clenched down on Meredith's, harder than before, and then Meredith squeezed back. She squeezed back just as hard as Jo was squeezing, and Jo focused on that. On having someone there to squeeze back.

 _May 15th, 2016 9:08am_

This was wrong. This wasn't Meredith. Meredith wasn't the type to stand there and hold her hand and tell her everything would be okay.

All she wanted was to get Jo to go to Bailey and plead Alex's case for him. Once they heard from her that Alex was just trying to protect her, maybe he would have a stronger case.

"Come on Jo," Meredith urged gently, "We can get this all sorted out. Whatever happened last night was clearly just a huge misunderstanding that got out of control. So let's go talk to Bailey and you can help clear things up."

DeLuca's voice played back in Jo's mind. He wouldn't say anything if she didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry."

Jo tugged her arms away from Meredith, turning and running down the last flight of stairs as fast as her feet would take her. She could hear Meredith screaming her name after her, and she sounded angry now because _of course she did_ , but that just made her go faster.

She couldn't do this. She couldn't have DeLuca telling anyone what she had told him.

Jo didn't know what she was going to do, but she knew she wasn't going to stick around the hospital until she figured it out.

* * *

 **A/N: So I love Tessa and I love Leah Murphy but I was PISSED when I heard the news about her coming back this week, because that had been my surprise twist the whole time! I was halfway through this chapter when the news broke and just so annoyed that they beat me to the punch. But really though I am excited that she'll be back, and I hope her appearance in this chapter was still surprising ;)**

 **Reviews are always super appreciated! I'd love to hear any feedback on what you like/don't like so I can make this story the best it can be.**


End file.
